Wimbledon's New Cleanskin Reveals Barely There Hair

Sydney Morning Herald

Thursday June 24, 1993

HEATHER SMITH

LONDON, Thursday: There's one thing we now know for sure. Andre Agassi is not at Wimbledon for the tennis.

Tennis is just the sideshow as the reigning King of Wimbledon provides the three-ringed circus.

The main show yesterday was called Barely There Hair, starring Agassi's somewhat flabby stomach.

It was always going to happen.

Agassi had won a straight-forward and uninspiring second- round match over an unknown Portuguese player.

The post-match press conference began in the usual manner. A few minutes of tennis talk, then, all hair broke loose.

It was noted that Agassi looked a bit different. His normally hirsute torso seemed to be, well, denuded.

(Quite a reasonable conversation topic, really, Agassi's belly and the absence of its hairy covering.) "It's not gone, it's right here," said a smiling Agassi.

Yes but, Andre, we can't see the hair anymore and it used to be a pretty prominent part of your bodily features. We were just wondering whether you had removed it.

"Yes, I guess you could say that," he said, grinning wider.

Err, why? "It makes me a little more aerodynamic out there on the courts,"Agassi dead-panned.

That begged the obvious question. Which method did he choose to remove such a large quantity of body hair? By this stage, the elderly Wimbledon official presiding over the conference was becoming agitated.

"Could we have a question on tennis please? Are there any questions on tennis?" was his plaintive cry.

Getting down to specifics, Andre, did you shave or wax the growth off? The red-faced official butted in at this point, telling Agassi he didn't have to answer such a cutting query.

But Agassi, ever the Las Vegas showman, was starting to enjoy himself. "No, I'm having fun with this," he said. "Settle down," he told the indignant official.

Back to the hair removal. "It's a revolutionary idea on how I do it, because it just keeps it (the hair) a certain length and I don't have to remove it entirely.

"I may even market the idea," he said, aware as ever that his tennis-playing is a sideline to the overall Agassi money-making machine.

Agassi is a smart kid. He doesn't tell you too much, just enough to make things interesting. Of course, he wouldn't say what the magic hair removal process actually involved.

"I can't tell, it's a secret," he giggled yesterday. "I mean, I can't give it away - everybody is going to start doing it.

"The girls like me better with shorter hair. I don't want them to start liking other guys, you know." The smooth-talking, smooth-bellied boy was having a really good time by now. Tennis, what tennis? "Wouldn't you enjoy this?" he asked the assembled masses.

"I've really never taken too many things (in newspapers) personally. If there is a criticism, I like to kind of weigh it out objectively, but if you guys are having fun, I like to join in, too."

Agassi, it seems, reads the newspapers and often has a giggle about what's said about him. Better than going to the movies, he says.

Go ahead, wax my day, Andre.

It was time to go. Agassi got up. The London tabloids were desperate to know what the revolutionary method for cutting body hair was.

"It's not patented yet," he said, slipping aerodynamically out the door.

Encore, encore |